Hello Again!

Not sure if anyone still follows this page. It has obviously been too long since it was moderated as I deleted ~10 pages of spam. Making a commitment to keep a better eye on it. Some beautiful work was posted here in its early days. Cheers! Hope all are well

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Falling in Love with Me

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All the love poems go the same way

Telling of heartbreak or joy at the end of the day.

Mine is the same, pay it no heed

Small minds, petty deeds.

Melodramas – scream into the wind.

I want you and I want him our bizarre little family.

I fuck you on my birthday before I fuck him.

Trade sex for passion and passion for love.

Trade love for identity. I’m seeking Me.

Lose myself over and over, again and again. 

Find myself on the brink

Insanity and infinity. 

I am my own savior and your cum rag.

Can’t tell which decision I’ll make so I make them again and again.

Pick you both, him and you, stand defeated and heroic–  both claimed and tamed.

Amaze myself – both spurned and chosen. Hell hath no fury and you will regret me.

But first you must lose me and I haven’t lost myself yet. I haven’t gone away.

Today I promise. TODAY is the day.

You made your decisions and I’ll make mine.

You hit me in the face and you fucked another girl.

She said you roofied and raped her.  

I stood by you and then you moved on to another cum rag whore.

I need this. I crave it. I crave my own debasement.

I didn’t realize it until you did it that I NEED to be rejected

Before I can move on from you, before I hit my level of ENOUGH.

Before I can reject your rejection. I MUST feel it inside. I must find me.

I have someone else who has picked me and said, “I am yours.”

I should feel awful. But I don’t.Not awful enough.

I loved you passionately with a heart terrified of intimacy.

And you – gave intimacy and took, and so did I.

Now I have to go face my fears and pick ME.

Now I must have relationship with myself.

It is time. And I am terrified.

And NOW we will live with our choices you and I.

And you can eat the flames of your own bad behaviors.  

I’m eating them now. Passion and lust and fear.

You fucked the whole planet while you fucked me.

But you will miss me and I will rise again.

And you will have to live your own life without me.

I’m following the path back to myself.

My self-compassion and self-love and selfhood.  

I EXIST WITHOUT YOU. 

I AM FREE.

Free to love. Free to be intimate with the man who tries.

And if we fail, it isn’t MY fault, it is OK. I don’t NEED a man to exist.

Intimacy and vulnerability are scary and beautiful and terrifying.

I have a love story in my own heart, I’m writing it now. I’m writing it to myself.

I’ll still miss you – even if it doesn’t make sense.

I guess I needed you to find my way. And I forgive you for not providing me with selfhood.

I release you to write your love story to yourself.

May you find peace on your path. May you find joy. May you find a companion in your heart.

I’d like to say I had fun while it lasted, but I did not.

I found my own darkness before I found my light.

I found myself and I lost it over and over again.

I picked you before I picked me a dozen times. And I only wanted to be chosen.

I’m human. And for that I forgive myself.

THIS is my love poem today to myself.

By: Jo

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Dedications

I think it strange that we find some special meaning in ten year anniversaries,
As if a decade somehow defines a period more significant
Than a month or a day or every minute of our lives
Since our innocence vanished that day in 2001.

If you asked the families of the people who died that day,
I doubt they would tell you that today is anything different.
They woke up today, just like every day since their personal catastrophe,
And felt the gaping hole they carry with them in their hearts.

We can’t understand their loss, their pain, their emptiness,
Knowing this could have been one more completely ordinary day
With their husbands, their wives, their partners, their children,
Doing ordinary things that define who we really are by their very simplicity.

But today flags will wave, speeches will be made, vigilance promised.
We’ll hear of how we made good on our promise of swift justice.
But what does that do for those few whose only wish for justice
Is the return of someone swept away in a cloud of dust for no reason?

Patriotism should take a back seat today, just like any other day.
Our leaders should keep their bold words in their back pockets,
Knowing as they must that anything they say will serve their own aspirations
Much more than heal the pain of those whose lives that day laid open.

If there is anything worthy of their loss to which we should rededicate ourselves,
Perhaps it’s basic human dignity — to practicing civility toward one another,
The loss of which in this county is more proof the terrorists achieved their goals
Than any two tumbling towers and the thousands of lives they took with them.

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